Self Help - Secrets from the Sofa A Psychologist's Guide to Achieving Personal Peace by Dr. Kenneth Herman
Self Help - Relationships - Psychology
Title: Secrets from the Sofa A Psychologist's Guide to Achieving Personal Peace
Author: Dr. Kenneth Herman
Publisher: iUniverse
Web Page: www.iuniverse.com
Reviewed by: John Lehman | View Bio
I confess। When I first started reading this superb book I thought it might be better suited to someone with more immediate problems। I began thinking of those other people, then of my children and finally I took a better look at myself. Dr. Herman uses clear exposition and dramatized case studies (as I recall a persuasive approach employed by Sigmund Freud himself). But the author is of the cognitive school that rationally espouses: 1) identifying what formed a problematic attitude, 2) noting how it has affected you, 3) working through your anger, sadness and grief, 4) and, as an adult, now engaging in a healthier mode of behavior.
It was about a third of the way through that I realized this book was applying a bit of psychology to me, its reader. The author examines defense mechanisms in a very non-threatening way and then asks us to do some self-assessment now that we were aware of the methods we use for denial. How could anyone who up to this point has agreed to his common sense approach decline? The result—utilizing worksheets on eleven "life areas" and an extensive array of positive and negative characteristics of self-image—is a useful plan of action identifying problems, visions, short-, medium- and long-term goals. I found this incredibly helpful.
But, he is not done. The book identifies avoidance strategies people use, describes what someone who wants to change can expect when confronting his or her emotions and even presses us to clarify what we mean by success. One intriguing aspect Herman mentions is that emotions may not be what they seem (for some it is easier to feel anger than admit to hurt feelings that leave them vulnerable). But in my opinion his best advice concerns relationships: "Pick your relationships carefully and re-evaluate them often. Only maintain those relationships that make you feel good about yourself. The people with whom you associate should give you something of value in return. It can be trust, laughter, or simply some effective communication; but it should be something beautiful, relevant and meaningful to both parties." That's also great description of this book. It is beautiful, relevant and meaningful. Do yourself and those you love a favor. Buy it!
