Self Help - Relationships - Psychology
Title: Secrets from the Sofa A Psychologist's Guide to Achieving Personal Peace
Author: Dr. Kenneth Herman
Publisher: iUniverse
Web Page: www.iuniverse.com
Reviewed by: John Lehman | View Bio
I confess। When I first started reading this superb book I thought it might be better suited to someone with more immediate problems। I began thinking of those other people, then of my children and finally I took a better look at myself. Dr. Herman uses clear exposition and dramatized case studies (as I recall a persuasive approach employed by Sigmund Freud himself). But the author is of the cognitive school that rationally espouses: 1) identifying what formed a problematic attitude, 2) noting how it has affected you, 3) working through your anger, sadness and grief, 4) and, as an adult, now engaging in a healthier mode of behavior.
It was about a third of the way through that I realized this book was applying a bit of psychology to me, its reader. The author examines defense mechanisms in a very non-threatening way and then asks us to do some self-assessment now that we were aware of the methods we use for denial. How could anyone who up to this point has agreed to his common sense approach decline? The result—utilizing worksheets on eleven "life areas" and an extensive array of positive and negative characteristics of self-image—is a useful plan of action identifying problems, visions, short-, medium- and long-term goals. I found this incredibly helpful.
But, he is not done. The book identifies avoidance strategies people use, describes what someone who wants to change can expect when confronting his or her emotions and even presses us to clarify what we mean by success. One intriguing aspect Herman mentions is that emotions may not be what they seem (for some it is easier to feel anger than admit to hurt feelings that leave them vulnerable). But in my opinion his best advice concerns relationships: "Pick your relationships carefully and re-evaluate them often. Only maintain those relationships that make you feel good about yourself. The people with whom you associate should give you something of value in return. It can be trust, laughter, or simply some effective communication; but it should be something beautiful, relevant and meaningful to both parties." That's also great description of this book. It is beautiful, relevant and meaningful. Do yourself and those you love a favor. Buy it!
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This book is dedicated to a section of New Orleans that was destroyed by Hurricane Katrina. It was the land of stone lions, parquet floors, white tuxes and overflowing champagne glasses. Nicci, a nursing student from a well-connected family, is in the middle of everything. She seems to have her feet solidly on the ground---which makes her a perfect narrator. Not that she is immune to the hazards of love. I'm a guy who on a long trip might listen to a Books-On-Tape romance, but what I found interesting reading this one was wondering what it says females value in a man (besides the requisite, rugged looks and mysterious past). Just when it seems the answer is, someone who will listen to what a woman says and consider it thoughtfully, the author gives us a male character who does just that. Nicci finds him boring. I liked the different levels of plot: Colleen and Eddie (immature), her father and uncle (old rivals for Nicci's now deceased mother), a business rivalry between the two prominent families. These dynamics counter balance the major conflict: Nicci's betrayal by a painter/gigolo who seems to be the bad boy women might secretly desire ("I was helpless beneath him, yet I hungrily waited, eager to submit to his desire. He teeth teased my skin, his hot breath burned against my cheek."). He brings out the artist in her. Nicci's hobby is reading and she would like to be a writer some day---sounds like a profile of the audience.
This novel is extremely well written except for some soap opera lapses ("I was sure in the end she would get what she wanted from David Alexander, as she always did. I wondered if he would get what he wanted from her in return."). The characters are sharply realized and the dialogue, snappy. Occasionally there's a line like, "I noticed how her eyes were all over me like a swarm of bees, buzzing with curiosity," that reminds us we are in the South. Actually I wish the character of the city played an even a greater role, mirroring the book's theme more.
The title is a tease too. It could mean, "come to one's senses" or" loose yourself to them" and savor the chicory of life. There's a dynamite surprise for our narrator in the middle of her bridal shower that provides a perfect turning point, plus an unexpected twist to the book's conclusion. Perhaps women like the melodrama of a relationship---feeling the urge to pull away, only to be held tighter. Alas, Nicci, you fell in love with someone other than me. But for 300 pages it was nice to imagine what that might have been like had it happened.
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Everything is going to hell! Lucifer can't stand the overcrowding and God's not all that pleased either. So this time He's sending the devil to be incarnated as man (since His son's earlier efforts have led to disappointing results). At times there's a smugness to the conceit of this book but mostly it is fresh, lively, very well written and thought provoking. I loved it. It is genuinely amusing. Since man is made in God's image the angels, who used to scoot around heaven looking like bacteria, moss, fish and trees, now not only imitate men in appearance but operate in board rooms of Trump-like complexes with telephones, faxes and e-mails. Meanwhile here on earth, David Brookes, aka Lucifer, stripped of any extraordinary powers, when asked by angel Gabriel if he has a plan, muses: "Unfortunately, I do not. It was fine for God, two thousand years ago. Mankind wanted a God or a prophet…now man is more interested in profit than prophet." It's then he falls in love and takes a job as a TV news broadcaster. Shortly after he finds himself held as a prisoner in Columbia of a renegade band of rebels, after which he becomes a non-religious healer who attracts the attention of the FBI (who may or may not be getting orders from the Lord).
But this is not just satire. There is gritty drama, a tense climax and an emotionally satisfying ending. The central character says of the book he eventually writes, "I do not mind if you don't believe it all. But if one sentence registers in your mind, and makes you a better person, then I will have achieved something." This seems to be G.A. Weston's goal too. And he know his Bible. Weston tells us that; Genesis was not even a Hebrew belief, it was added much later and appears to be based on the Babylonian creation myth. And it was a Greek mistranslation of the Hebrew that changed, "a young woman shall be with child" to "a virgin shall be with child."
However the genius of "The Songs of Angels" is how its thinking-outside-of-the-box approach gets us to find fresh depth in whatever religious beliefs we have, and does this within the context of a strong narrative in which we genuinely care what happens to the characters. It starts slowly and some of the dialogue between Gabriel and the now-human Lucifer seem a heavy handed way to focus the reader, but these are small quibbles compared to the originality of this very readable book. It may not be for everyone (some would count it 'blasphemous'), but for people who want a fresh take on good/evil, angels, God and our human condition, this is a gift of nearly Biblical proportions.
The Songs of Angels
G.A. Weston
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Randy Gage’s book, “Why You’re Dumb, Sick & Broke,” is absolutely mind-blowing! While I found the title a bit “snarky” and offensive, especially since I don’t consider myself any of the above, I’m glad I picked it up as it contained a wealth of information. While he calls the reader, “dumb, sick & broke,” he believes you can make choices to improve your life. He says that, “your mind-set colors how you view every situation you encounter every day. And it shapes the way you attract things into your life.” Gage tells us that we can change our mind about our lives, and our lives will change. He also says that we can make small changes to affect even greater change. Even the smallest choice, such as getting rid of things you no longer need, can have a profound impact on your life like a butterfly flapping its wings creating changes in the weather. I love that he embraces Chaos Theory. Life is chaotic, and we can use this to our advantage.
I think the greatest tool this book provides is an idea. It’s the idea that we are each in charge of our own destinies and we should not believe otherwise, no matter what the media, your family, or your religion tells you. He invokes the idea of memetics to explain that little pieces of information floating around in our culture, so seemingly innocuously can infect your mind like a virus. And these memes, designed to keep you from achieving your full potential, are everywhere! But it’s when you believe in these memes that your life is negatively affected. Being aware of the damage information viruses carry allows you to fight back against their effects. For instance, if you believe that money is the root of all evil, then you will be loath to accept money into your life. You may be poorer as a result.
Even if you don’t see yourself as dumb, sick, or broke, this book is a wonderful tool for anybody who wants their life to be better. I highly recommend it!
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